(The following article was extracted from a [TiC] "Clan News" report.)

CLAN NEWS:
The article below was running in the "Gamers Daily News":

 

""GrandJury to investigate [TiC]CS Servers Stats."":
by [TiC]EVIL,
(22 July, 2002)

Today Investigators launched a  probe into the questionable authenticity of [TiC] CS Server STATs data!

Subpoenas have been issued to several players that frequent the "[TiC]Clan TALK is CHEAP CS Server".Regulars to the now famous "[TiC]Clan TALK is CHEAP CS Server" (see ip and logo below) are calling this big stir the "STATS Scandal".

One frequenter of the highly popular [TiC] CS Server was quite vocal as he was about to enter the Court House. He was heard yelling ""I want a Lawyer this is #$#$#$#$"" and then he spit on the ground near a crowd of net-mosquitoes that had started to gather and pick their noses and stare. He then lunged at them and spouted violently "I hate them dang net-mosquitoes, get them out of here N-O-W !!"" he added ""Those stats are like w-r-o-n-g, no way I am not in the top 3!!! I killed way more people, get me a Lawyer"". The deputies then "assisted" him into the back entrance. He could be heard yelling obscenities and bellowed out ""Check that data. I want a Lawyer!! Look at the server logs. Fix the dam AC in here it's too hot !!!"" from inside the Court House's back holding room.

Another witness that had been served a subpoena was visually shaken by the bright lights and flashes of the cameras as be was about to enter the Court House. When a reporter asked him if his last week's ranking of #1 on the "[TiC]Server STATS" was valid, he replied """These allegations of improprieties are unfounded. The servers's IP number 146.20.80.92 has been my favorite lucky number since early childhood. Look, just because I have a Masters Degree in Computer Science and have written extensive scripting guides doesn't mean I don't know how to drop a net-mosquito dead in his tracks with a Colt on the ,,,,,,""" As he was about to finish, he was cut off by his Lawyer that stepped up to the mic and said ""Sorry, NO comment"".

The notorious Council Member of the World Famous MIGHTY [TiC] 'TALK is CHEAP' Clan, [TiC]EVIL., who is rumored to have been responsible for the "Net-mosquito Forumville Massacre of 2000" where over 10,ooo net-mosquitoes were hacked to death with the jaw bone of an ***, was not to be seen. As he had several outstanding International warrants for various alleged crimes ranging from making public statements about "He wished Lighting would strike and get rid of all the net-mosquitoes" to allegedly spray painting the statement "Hillary's butt is so big she needs to be looking into getting a Zip code for it" at a prominent location, to his alleged planning and leadership in the bloody massacre of an entire net-mosquito Division at Forumville in 2000.

Well, when all the dust settles on this Scandal, all I this reporter can say is:

"Things are never boring around the Mighty [TiC]Clan !!"
 

This news report filed by:

Associated Internet Press's
International Gaming News Correspondent
Mr. Frank Nolie

 

BACK to the top

BACK to the [TiC]Magazine main page

This page was originally created by [TiC]EVIL 25mar03. Last updated 03/25/03.